


I Miss You

by knaps_docx



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Five Stages of Grief, Heartbreak, M/M, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 13:12:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15486528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knaps_docx/pseuds/knaps_docx
Summary: Today marked one week. One week since Haru packed up his bag and stormed out of his apartment in weather not unlike this. One week since he watched the tears fall from those beautiful, blue eyes before he turned his back to Rin for the last time. One tremendously, long week of solitude and loneliness. Rin learned a lot about himself that week, but even so, the answers eluded him.What had he done?





	I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this nonsense in a few hours tonight and I'm beyond exhausted. Sorry for any mistakes (I'll probably reread this tomorrow and regret my life).

The rain pattered against the window as Rin lounged on his couch. The storm came late August; a sweltering heat mixed with high humidity was the only ingredients necessary to bring it on. It was a rather common occurrence this time of year. The melancholic noise was drifting him in and out of sleep, but he couldn’t quite seem to make it past a daydreaming state. His mind was too active only thinking about Haru and how badly he hurt him. What had he done?

Why did he say those things? What a huge ass he was toward Haru. He didn’t mean anything he said. A bad practice led to a bad day, which let do a horrendous week and he took it out on him. Why did he do that? Rin ran a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. It was something he frequently did with an overload of stress. A sigh quickly followed.

Today marked one week. One week since Haru packed up his bag and stormed out of his apartment in weather not unlike this. One week since he watched the tears fall from those beautiful, blue eyes before he turned his back to Rin for the last time. One tremendously, long week of solitude and loneliness. Rin learned a lot about himself that week, but even so, the answers eluded him.

First there was denial. This wasn’t happening. Tomorrow morning he would be back on Rin’s doorstep with a deepened expression and some choice words. There would be a necessary conversation that would correct the wrongs Rin had committed. A promise would be made to never let this happen again. He would be back. Haru always came back.

Second there was anger. It was his fault. Haru was the one who egged him on. Haru was the one who beat him that day during practice. That stupid look on his face, the small hinting of a grin across those soft yet deadly lips, is exactly what caused his problems. It was his fault and Rin was pissed. He wished him away forever. Who would need someone like that in his life? Someone who drug him down when he needed boosted up? Fuck him. Fuck him and his goddamn swimming. Rin thought about quitting again.

Then there was bargaining. Maybe if he called, Haru would come back? Maybe Haru would take initiative and call for once? Maybe he was outside waiting for him in the rain, afraid to push the doorbell and confront the one who destroyed their relationship? How long had it been? How long since their lips had touched and their fingers skirted each other’s skin? How long? Days? Weeks? Maybe if he just apologized everything would be okay again? Maybe if…

Depression hit fourth and the hardest. He wasn’t sure if he was crossing from that phase onto acceptance. Why would he come back? Haru was his own person and Rin pushed his face into the dirt, and when that wasn’t enough for him, he drug him through it. How naïve of him. Haru was only trying to help, but what kindness he saw was contorted into something of victimizing and cruelty. Rin wasn’t thinking straight. The week’s activities weighed heavily on his shoulders. He wasn’t supposed to hit a wall. He was supposed to be better than that. Nothing could touch his glory, or so he thought. Haru would beat him sometimes, but that was hardly out of the ordinary. Something flipped that day.

His memory was clear that night. He threw a plate across the room out of fury. He wasn’t aiming for anything in particular but managed to hit the bookshelf of trophies he’d collected over his years from swimming. The trophy they had won together, a symbol of their bonds as friends and now lovers, came crashing to the ground. It broke, naturally. The top piece hit the floor first and skidded to his lover’s feet. The wounded look on Haru’s face is what sucker punched Rin in the stomach. He didn’t say a word, only grabbed his necessities and walked out the door. Not that Rin had anything to add to his lack of expression at the time. Without even taking a second to stop him, he threw his ass on the couch and lied there well after the door slammed shut. How stupid of him. Why did he run after him?

Rin’s fist hit the coffee table knocking his phone to the floor. Haru wasn’t coming back. He waited a whole week, who fucking does that? Why in the world would he forgive him? He had no right asking him for time to explain or talk. There was nothing to bargain for. He was lost. Practice had been put on standstill this week claiming he was on vacation. How could he even look him in the eye? How could he stand next to him after what he did? How could he swim in the same pool, the same damn lane even? It wasn’t fair. But Rin couldn’t live like this forever.

Would he quit again? Or would he transfer schools? Cowardly, all of it. Those choices he made in the past were ways of him wanting to get better, but were spineless all the same. He took the easy way out and left everyone behind. The last time that happened devastated everyone. What an ass he was when he returned then too. If only he could learn from his mistakes. Bending over in an attempt to reach his phone, Rin slipped off the cushions forgetting how close he was lying to the edge. He hit the floor hard. The impact sucked the air from his lungs. After taking a few minutes to recover, he slowly rose to a seated position, grabbing his phone off the carpet. The notification-free screen greeted him dismissively. Resisting the urge to throw it like he did that plate, he selected the phone app and hovered his thumb over Haru’s name.

How could he ever make amends?

Staring at the screen with teary eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. What had he done? What had he _done_?! He was on his feet, grabbing things such as shoes and a jacket. He hastily shoved his apartment keys into his pocket beside his phone and sprinted out the door. Rin couldn’t ask Haru for his time, but maybe showing up in person would warrant a start to the conversation that needed to occur. God, what would he say?

Fear and anxiety drove his forward momentum through the rain. He forgot about driving through this ridiculous weather his mind was too steadfast on Haru. Thankfully the drops were warm, but they were fat and stung at his exposed face and body as he plowed his way over to Makoto’s. He was sure Haru would be staying there. They were best friends. There was nowhere else he would be. Unless…

Shaking the thought from his mind, Rin pushed on. He needed to see his face again. The apology would be rough, excruciating, and above all, humiliating and miserable. But it needed to be said. These words of regret and grief needed to touch his ears. And if all was said and done and Haru refused to let him back in, at least he could find comfort in his attempt. It wouldn’t come easy, but he could settle with it eventually.

He reached the bus stop in record time. When push came to shove, he really did perform better with Haru by his side, driving him home to the finish. Rin was so lost without him. The food sat untouched on his plate every night, water tasted funny and slid down his throat like a handful of knives. He missed texts and phone calls from his friends back in Australia. Nagisa had knocked on his door once or twice. He knew it was him due to the incessant pounding. Rei’s voice could be heard through the door too, patronizing him to stop and to give Rin some space. Sousuke never said a word, but was always patiently waiting for when Rin was ready to talk. That’s how Sousuke operated. Their friendship operated on a need to know basis and rarely consisted of excessive talking. With him being busy with recovery from surgery, it was hard to get in a proper conversation.

The bus had just pulled out of the station. Rin cussed as he leaned up against the covered bench. Being drenched already, what was the point in stepping under the awning when someone could use it to stay dry? Not that anyone was up at this ungodly hour. He glanced at his wrist to read the time on his watch when he realized he left without putting it on. Dropping his hand to his side, Rin tilted his head back and groaned with annoyance. This fucking breakup.

Sloshing of footsteps as someone approached filled his ears. He snorted from the humor. Some other crazy motherfucker was out in this godforsaken weather at the most irrational time. The last thing he needed was to be degraded and scorned at for not wearing proper attire in the current weather conditions, forgetting an umbrella, and still standing in the rain like a nutcase. He didn’t want to turn, but he did. His curiosity was a strong driving force in his behavior.

“ _H-Haru?!_ ” his voice cracked.

How in the hell? But there he was, standing in the rain not five feet away, soaking wet, umbrella-less, and the look of surprise plastered on his face. He could see the rain had melded with his tears, as he was sure the same reflected on his own skin. What had he done?

“Rin…” he said quietly, his voice barely reaching his ears. As if the situation couldn’t get worse, the rain began to pick up and lightning streaked the sky. Having a similar thought, they both ducked into the covered bench area. Haru was the first to sit, he couldn’t make eye contact, keeping his gaze strictly to the soaked shoes and puddled ground. Rin joined him slowly, apprehensively.

“What are you doing out here in the rain? You could get sick. We have a big race –” Rin cut himself off. Those blue eyes shifted and he felt his heart stick in his throat. The words were gone along with the means to voice his apology. The hurtful look on his face was slowly killing him. All of the small details were coming to life under the poorly lit space. The dark circles under Haru’s eyes, the thinning of his cheeks, the untidiness of his wet hair. Someone who was absolutely stunning drenched in water looked frazzled and disheartened. Rin’s heart throbbed.

“I could ask you the same,” Haru replied, his voice strained. How long had he been awake, Rin wondered. How long since he ate? Was he skipping practice too? Was he thinking about quitting as Rin was? And it was entirely his fault.

The lump in his throat expanded, cutting off his airway. He was growing nauseous and lightheaded. What could he say? How could he apologize for doing this to him? Everything he thought he would readily say was gone, drifting away with the water running down the street.

Thunder boomed overhead. “ _Haruimsorry_ ,” he blurted. His words formed one continuous stream as the tears began forming at the corners of his eyes. Sucking in a breath of air he waited for Haru’s response. And waited.

Those blue eyes scanned over his face with an unreadable expression. “What?” He didn’t hear him over the thunder.

Rin about dropped. He had to repeat it? “Dammit, Haru. I’m sorry! I’m sorry I was an asshole, I’m sorry I threw that plate and broke something important to both of us, I’m sorry I took everything out on you when you were only trying to help, I’m sorry I didn’t follow you out the door that night, and I’m fucking sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I’m sorry. I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

His eyes widened at first, soaking in his half-assed apology before his features softened. Rin felt like he could breath again. It was hardly an acceptance from Haru for his horrendous behavior, but at the very least he wasn’t entirely mad at him. However, he didn’t grace him with a reply. They sat there as the rain hammered against the awning in a steady, aggressive manner. Rin began to wonder if he needed to say more.

He opened his mouth again, “Look, I know words don’t mean much when it comes to promises. Actions usually speak louder than them. I just…the last week has been worse than the previous. Haru, I’m lost without you. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I could hardly open my eyes and face another day without you by my side. I’ve been miserable. I’m sorry, and I’ll say it a million times, but let me prove it to you. I’m begging you. I can’t live like this. We can’t –”

Haru’s lips were upon his, sucking the last of his words out of his mouth creating a hum that connected them both. His hands were against Rin’s cheeks, holding him there so he wouldn’t be able to escape, not that he would. The stress he was holding within released with that single act. The tears overflowed, running down his flushed cheeks before getting lost in Haru’s strong grip. He reached out his hands, wrapping one around his torso and the other interweaving into his raven hair. The words to describe how insufferably he missed Haru were nonexistent. He understood himself better after that week, and because of this, he understood a little more about Haru too. He wanted to show him his progression, the truth to his apology, and Haru selflessly granted him one chance at redemption.

It would not be wasted, that was for certain.

When their lips broke, they were both breathless. Haru pushed his forehead against Rin’s unsure what to say even now. As Rin had pointed out, actions spoke louder than words, and this particular one spoke volumes. There wasn’t anything left to say.

“Apology accepted,” Haru whispered, kissing a tear off of Rin’s cheek. “I was lost without you too.”

Rin bit his tongue suppressing another round of spontaneous tears, and pulled Haru into a bone-crushing hug. He wasn’t expecting that, but he was elated to hear those words escape Haru’s rather tight lips. Suddenly feeling more moisture hit his dampened clothes, he realized Haru was crying too. His sobs unleashed. They clung to each other, in the dead of night, their cries of joy and relief masked by the raging storm above.

“I missed you,” Rin whispered, burring his head into Haru’s shoulder.

“I missed you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> *shrugs* I don't actually have words for this????? Goodnight everyone!


End file.
